Saturday, April 15, 2017

I ruined it as usual.

My problem is my stubborn personality. I have created a different world insode my head. Reality is so different. It seems like I am in conflict all the time with every other thing. This need to go. No one is my enemy. Compromising to adjust if it is not harming is a key to have peace.

Duh !

I just say that. When anger hits me I am a like a live grenade. It's getting worst. Maybe my emotinal needs are too much and they are somehow unable to be fulfilled. It then frustrate me to at such degree that I don't realize for a sec what I am doing. All people around me are so at peace. They are less demanding. Their lives are on right track.

It is always up to us to react. My unfulfilled needs are not other people's problem. Then I complain and explain. It makes matter worst.

Recently, I did somethingstupid again. It is 3 thing in a row btw.

He was doing it for me and it was making him so happy. You should have seen his face. And guess what...I ruined it. 

Yes !

I runied all his effort and happiness. It is my hormones or in build craziness, I dunno. Should I stop eating eggs ? It is so hot these days, maybe it is adding up in my anger? 

Whatever I did was total crap. It was so unnecessary. This is my everyday ritual. At the age of 31, I am unable to have a decent relationship. There is definitely something crazy in me.

This is no way to behave.

I took few pics on my way to home from work.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

At roof

My saturday is always relaxing. I went to roof around 6:30pm. The moon was up 😊

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

It was a slow day.

It was quite difficult in the beginning but now I have so much self control. Thing don't effect me any more. It was a slow day. I am getting into sitting straight for all day. A, asked me why I am not doing lunch with them.

It is my inability to let go. Most of the time things are not that much. It is me who blows it outta proportion. They all have moved on. But there is a constant chatter going on in my head. This energy is killing me. I just argue and fight for no valid reason.

I want a joint and a duck boy.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

This Siege Mentality

Few elite class women took part in a female only bike race in major cities of Pakistan to reclaim public spaces. The event was organized by a group called Girls at Dhabas.

Even in big metropolitan cities like Karachi, it is men who dominate public space. And these women are fed up with that situation. They want to feel safe, respected and comfortable when they are out in the streets.

It is true that our society is conservative yet. We are bunch of judgmental people. Unfortunately, it is getting more narrow minded with the passage of time. Women, elite or lower class are more conscious and worried then before. Ask anyone how scared they feel when they are out. That is why abaya, niqab, hijab caught on. We are hidders. Hidding  makes them feel safe.

 But what is the real problem?

Are our cities really that dangerous? Is this males who are dominating and not letting women out? Do they make them that uncomfortable that either they are inside the four walls of their homes, or thye have hidden themselves in layers of clothes?

To me problem is the mentality, not the lack of public space for women in Karachi or another part of Pakistan. We have developed this seige mentality. everyone who is not ours is dangerous. Others can harm us. High stranded of chaste is another chain which make us think thousand time before doing anything. Irony is that instead of resisting and rejecting that absurd mentality our women endorse them happily.

We have developed such suffocated society where women don't even want to think outta their comfort zone. Man and outside world is just a blame people do all day long. Public space is not that dangerous, neither all men are therki.

It is women who decided not to go out. Those who are out would tell you how uncomfortable it is for them. We learn from each others. We model others. When we see no one is doing, we assume it is not acceptable. Cherry on the top in the race of being chaste better is to follow quietly. We have also seen that people get in trouble when they try to resist, why I get into trouble? Women are judged if she is little bit presentable, out going, career oriented. Our society is judgmental. Therefore, it has become a norm.

Simple !

We strongly believe in "our women - there women"  hamri aurtein baher nahi jatien /our women don't go out. Society is judgmental. Women don't want to have any bad label. They are, sorry to say brainwashed in such a nice way that they don't even know. They are made to think that they are princesses and everyone is looking at them.

Streets harassment is everywhere in this world. Even in the first world countries. Still, women over their don't claim to be sharifa. She is out doing her bit despite all the hurdles. Life is not bed of roses. You are out on streets, what are you  excepting? Even men are harassed, mugged and robbed. Have they hidden themselves?

Get real: Outside world is not your HOME.

Other thing is that we, here think that women who are on the streets are because of some compulsion. They are  helpless. tsk tsk....Otherwise, respectful women stay in her home. Her men (father/brother/ husband/son) will provide her everything. There is no need for her to roam around the streets and worry. For outing, time pass and recreational activities, her family and closed trusted friends are there for her to fulfill that need. THE END OF BEING OUT ALONE !

They have somehow decided that outside world is evil. Those who are educated and working, also  prefer to be safe. They all  think everyone is staring at them. That is why abya, hijab culture caught on. women have to go out. In abyay with niqab they conceal themselves. It savea them from being recognized and judged.

Men stare because you are not out. You are not a common thing. Also because you are less out, you are not comfortable with the environment. It's a very natural thing. We all feel uncomfortable at new place at first. Continuing so becomes normal.

Let me give you one advice: Get over yourself.

This is the same mentality of upper class peeps. To them all people are wallay, who looking at them. They look down on them in return. They live in their cocoon. Now few are looking for the public space where they can sit, walk and talk freely still in their areas. There are out with some activities after every couple of months.

But question is: Is is working?

 Definitely, no !

What they do, do with their own class in their own areas. It is still not publicccccc. That is why they could never bring sustainable change for better for anyone yet. You know what, the women who are doing this don't do it every day.

Lots of people say solution is education. When it is not either. It is acceptance and letting go people. Letting people do what they do unless it is not criminal. If we want more women out from all the background we first need to change the mindset. We need to net rid of this siege mentality. Come out. No one is looking. Enjoy your life. This issue will be settled themselves.

Photo Credit:  Girls at Dhabas' Facebook Page

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Saturday, April 1, 2017

Living a fulfilled life.

We all want to work where we have feeling of  fulfillment. We want to live where we feel like home. We want to be with those who make us feel respected and loved.

26 year old Marvi Somroo was working in a software house in Islamabad and earning six digits. But the Hunza valley was calling her. She left everything and opt to go there. Now she is teaching in the school. It all started with a week art residency in Masgar in summer 2016. She fall in love with that small village. Now, she is teaching there full time.

And that act went viral. Marvi left her job to live somewhere far way is a news in Pakistan. I guess there is an element of oddity here. Something new. Like who leaves six digits job in Pakistan to go to some remote areas of up North to teach children? Many are, hmm, not totally criticizing but you know, saying that she could have gone to her own village which is way under privilege, where literacy rate is low if she wanted to do charity.

Lets start with the Hunza valley of Gilgit Baltistan.

Northern areas of Pakistan are heaven. This  Mountainous valley is in extreme North. The place is peaceful. Scenery is breathtaking. Its colors, its air, its culture are just mesmerizing. Crime rate is low. Life is simple. People are hardworking. They know the importance of education, therefore it is the most literate area in Pakistan with more than 80 % literary rate.They are doing their bit to make their community a better place to live for themselves and for their future generation. Whatever they have  over there is because of them.

Some people want to live near nature, in quite and peace full place despite coming from the urban, and upper class background. Some want urban life despite coming from the remote and rural areas. Each to their own.

People have been wandering. They leave everything behind in the quest of finding their bliss. Still, living such life inn't everyone's cuppa joe either. Many don't even dare to do that. They are OK with the rat race.

Ms. Somroo is one blessed woman from the upper class Pakistan with no financial worries (as it looks like) and permission from her family (as it look like) to do what she wants to do. Or go where she wants to go.

This concept of finding your bliss especially being a desi female is quite surprising for the nation, tho. That idea of wandering is not that viral but she is.

 A co-worker of mine, shared one article on Facebook, title, ماروی سومرو ہنزہ ہی میں کیو ں پڑھاتی ہے؟
Why Marvi only teaches in Hunza? It is written by Mr. Wqar Ahmed Malik in Urdu for an local blog site Humsub.

I guess, the answer of his question and blog post is so simple: Because she wanted to. In her own words when talking to Express Tribune, (here) she said:

“There is a sensitive side to me that was really disappointed by things around. I had worked in the corporate sector for four years and I was earning good money and going up the ladder by the society’s standards. But in those four years, something constantly told me that this is not enough. Sure, I was earning good money but I was only helping the rich company become even richer. I also realised that if I wasn’t here, I could be replaced by someone and I wanted to be somewhere where my presence made a difference.”

Next part: why only in Hunza?

Well it is again her choice. Writer on the another hand is trying so hard to connect her decision with the valley only, when it is not really like that. Like, I said it is one of the breath places of the world, an inhabitant of Paradise on Earth.

But people even go to war tron countries to help locals as well. They devote their whole lives in Africa and Hitti type places. They go to under developed countries and never want to go back to their first world countries. This is no magic of that particular place.

 The just feel good there. They decide to help that place, do their bit or sometime settled down there.  It makes them real happy. They feel somthing missing in thwir current situation. Yeah, for a Pakistani even from an upper class, everyone has to run their own homes first, and with all other worries, these wandering are unbelievable. Finding bliss is uncertainty and waste of life.

Here is the quote of Christopher McCandless:

" So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."

Now my question is was it that simple fr her to opt for such far away place just to teach?

She could have taught in anywhere in Islamabad if teaching was her passion?

Mr. Malik was also doing the same thing but unfortunately he had nothing much to fall back on. Due to finance, he had to left teaching in Hunza after four months. It is not that possible for a middle class people to go broke in the name of charity and wanderlust.

Is living your life is only for rich people?

Photo Created: Qara Jameel/Ja Photography

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

No one gives a damn, so stay calm and click.

It was an achievement. I didn't give my two cent in front of them. It was not even required. Neither I felt bad. Silence is a wise thing. It saves us from so many unnecessary mess. This habit of me getting involved into every there nonsense is tad bad. I just don't understand. Old habits die hard. If our mind understands such thing like an obedient person,  then we may save our-selves from so many negative things. There is no need to share your ideas, opinions and vulnerability where they are not required.

Other than that, classes are about to slow down. After this week, my students have their Mid Terms. I am chill in this semester. I don't have any class on Thursday. Tomorrow is gonna be much relax.

After university I get off at Pakistan Chowk. It still gets uncomfortable but I guess I am bit just conscious and nothing else. No one gives a damn about petite girl with a back pack and camera in her hand, shooting streets of Karachi.

 So stay calm and click.

Only irritating thing in Karachi is too much bikes everywhere. LIKE, SERIOUSLY EVERYWHERE.  I simply can't find a proper place to stand and click. and I picked up the cam after a long time. It felt ages.

S, is not replying. Maybe she is busy with life. If she comes with me, I will go places. But no need for any one. I am doing it.

Yeah, I picked  up camera after like couple of months. Just sad. And when I am sad, I can't do anything at all. I am not happy, but accepting things as they are. Wisdom is in it.